One thing i've earned ever since graduating college is a huge chunk of time on my hands now to just do... whatever. I've worked so hard to build up a consistent schedule to keep myself busy, especially since admittedly i'm not the best with time management. But now since I have no more assignments, it's been abit more of a challenge to just keep myself on track and not get sidetracked. With the shear amount of time I have on my hands, I almost feel overwhelmed not really knowing what to do with myself, but I also don't want to feel useless, or that I'm wasting my time away, which is why I crave something.
But I also can't let myself get too caught up in the concept of having 'alot of time' because then i'd become too comfortable with remaining stagnant, which is really what I don't want for this year. It's been a persistent pattern throughout my prior years to just feel comfortable and not have a sense of urgency, which in reality is really starting to eat at me. I've been working hard to take responsibility into my own hands, and take accountabiity for my own future. It's just been hard to pull through not facing any real consequences, but I know my comfort won't last forever.
The urge to accomplish, and to make a name for myself is something that rings in my head every single day, I can't keep waiting, I have no excuses, and my time is running dry. I feel ready to try, even if it doesn't work out, I still just want to try anything I can this summer, I wish I was brave, and I wish I didn't suffer from a mental illness that eats at me every single day, trying is horrific, but remaining stagnant is a delusional comfort that will ultimately end horribly for me.

This is a test for my first entry I suppose. I haven't much to say, so I think i'll just spew thoughts on my progress over Neocities so far. Honestly it has been slow, I do have to admit I am not the fastest worker in the whole world. I could DEFINETLY use some more dicipline when it comes to just sitting down and doing work lol. But honestly, slow progress is better than none at all right? I've been on Neocities for the past 5ish months now? After one of my friends introduced me to the site by showing off his friends page, and ever since I was extremely intruiged. I've vaguely done coding before, but it never really dawned on me that I was able to make my own site. Infact, I didn't even know that was a possibility, as silly as that sounds. I just never thought much of coding prior till then. And ever since, i've been completely obsessed. It's like a lost art that I've found again.. and I couldn't thank my friend enough.

I am Rather tired of the internet. I feel as though there are a lack of personalized spaces now, or a lack of community. Don't get me wrong, there are PLENTY of communities out there i'm sure. But for some reason, I just can't help but feel as though the internet is a more isolated, hostile place now, than it was over a decade ago. I may be viewing it from rose tinted glasses, but I just feel as though the interwebs were more lively back then, it was so much easier for me to make friends, find common ground in internet spaces, even play online web games without having to show my ID, and scan my face!! That however will be a tangent for another time. I'm just happy to finally have a personal space to call my own. Without having to pay some sort of subscription, or have 10000 ads pop up. Or send off my biometric data.